Heart Beatdown
In a kingdom with two alpha males and only one queen's heart on the line, Raj, a mighty warrior with a royal heart, and Roshan the trickster with a whole wild mind of his own. Roshan kidnapped the beautiful queen named Asznee. She has always had a unique eye and fond of Raj, as Roshan offers her the supremacy of holding all fortunes in the world. The question is who is bold enough to fight for the heart of the one Asznee.
Raj grew with rage at the fact that he has not been able to hold his dear Asznee in his arms. He ran wild to the point where he talked to the Gods for superpowers. The Gods granted Raj with the special ability of superhuman strength. Roshan hears of this news from his kingdom messengers. Roshan is a trickster that uses his own special ability of shapeshifting. He was quick and slick with his transformation. Roshan is aware of the fact that Raj acquired superpowers, however, he is yet to know what kind of superpowers. Raj being the smart and tactical warrior that he is decided to keep his powers lowkey.
Roshan loves the chase, but in order to get the others to chase, he urges his enemies and victims. He has taken many lives with his ability and he will fight till death if he has to. On a dark cloudy day, Roshan transforms into a horse and made way to Raj with his servants. Meanwhile, Raj is meditating and praying in his kingdom. Raj being a royal persona, he has security and bodies surrounding his perimeter constantly. It is not an easy task to approach Raj without alerting him. However, Roshan is a shapeshifter that can transform into any being that has 4 extremities (arms and legs). Roshan sneaks his way past his guards and servants in Raj's own kingdom in the shape of a frog. Raj is clever enough to set traps around his house to identify any being entered in the premise. He was alerted as soon as Roshan crossed into his house. Raj keeps his head calm and collected as he speaks to Roshan loudly, and yells, "Face me like a man first". Roshan immediately transforms into his human self and tells Raj that he is no match for him.
Raj looks at Roshan with sharp eyes and tells him two words, 'she's mine", as he charges Roshan with full force and speed. The quick-thinking Roshan transforms into the king of the jungle, the mighty lion. Roshan leaps with his strong powerful legs and takes a dive onto Raj. The two bodies collapsed to the ground with a hard thump sound. Moments later, Roshan thinking he won, Raj picks up a whole lions body and slams Roshan to the ground, sending shockwaves through the kingdom.
Raj ended up with the girl he was fighting for but realized his worth, and his suffering is not worth a queen that does not see his heart as fortune.
Hello again PB,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story and I can admit it is one of my favorites of yours. I like how you continue to modernize the inspiration behind your stories; it makes for a very enjoyable read and easier to understand as well. I connect with continuing to use the original characters as your inspiration but changing the names, I implement that a lot in my stories. Did you consider changing the climax of the story as well ? Meaning, maybe changing the ending to where Ravana or in your case Roshan wins the battle. Why is it that you just changed the abilities of the persona from the original version? One suggestion I would give is maybe trying the extension grammarly in your browser. I noticed a couple grammatical errors when reading and grammarly is great for extinguishing those. I think you should add more dialogue as well. When reading the writers write blog one of the posts recommended implementing more dialogue as it helps engage your reader more.
Hello again Wesley, I appreciate your kind words. I appreciate you saying this was one of your favorites of mine. I personally did not think this was my best piece. I did consider changing the climax, but I enjoyed the original story so much, I did not want to change much from the original plot. I decided to change the ending and I believe that was a good choice.
DeleteHey, PB! I think that this was a good and fresh reimagination of the fight between Rama and Ravana. To my eyes, it seems as if you've given these characters a closer bond, making this a more character-driven fight with heavy focus on the participants and a sort of play-by-play narrative. This is a clever transformation, as the original is much more story-driven by nature. I do think that if that's the route you're intending, it could use a dash more of backstory between the two to complement the narrative.
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Chris
Hey PB!
ReplyDeleteI read and commented one of your previous stories, so I decided to come back for another! The first story I read by you was impressive and intriguing, and I think the same about this one as well! I really like the last sentence in your introduction paragraph. The diction exercised in the sentence really makes your reader keep reading. "Bold" was the perfect word to use there! Great Work. Although, I do have a question. Why did you keep the person winning the fight the same, but change their abilities? Were you just trying to be creative, or is their a reason that you still wanted Ravana out of the picture? Furthermore, what if Rama lost the fight? Do you think Sita would have the same problems with Ravana as she did with Rama? Or do you think that Ravana would have cared less about his reputation in comparison to Rama. Overall, I really like this story and I look forward to your next!
Hello Aj, I appreciate you commenting on my posts, as I read them all and take in every insight I can. The reason I kept the plot the same was due to me finding the original story so fascinating. I understand there are many directions I could have taken this story, and maybe I will for one of my stories in the future. Once again Aj, thank you for your kind feedback.
DeleteHi PB! Great to read another story of yours. I really enjoyed the first one that I read, so here we are! I have a lot of questions, however. Did the transformation come from a specific place of inspiration? Or were you just working to change things up a bit? I think you could possibly create several different versions of the same story from the same source of inspiration, but change it up just slightly every time to create a new meaning. I really enjoyed this story but I think you could consider adding more dialogue to stories in the future so that the ready may gain more insight into the story. Overall I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future! Best of luck to you this upcoming week!
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